The Pegasus Awards

A Reconsideration of Anatomical Docking Maneuvers in a Zero-G Environment

Diana Gallagher

Pegasus Award

Award Year Category
1986 Best Original Humorous Song
 

A Reconsideration Of Anatomical Docking Maneuvers In A Zero-Gravity Environment
or
The Zero-G Sex Song

Copyright ©1983 Diana G. Gallagher- All rights reserved
Used by permission

1:  Making love in a zero-g environment
       may not produce the satisfaction we project.
    The proposed erotic possibilities
        deny Newton’s Laws of Motion
        and how they will affect
        our romantic inclinations... in space stations.

2:  Momentum changes in proportion to the force
       acting on a resting body and making it move.
    And every action is opposed
       by an equal reaction
       of the same magnitude
       in the opposite direction... without exception.

    Now I may be wrong, but it seems to me,
    When contemplating the dynamics of sex,
    That trying to do it in zero-g
     May present some pressing problems we did not expect.

3:  Making love in a zero-g environment
       may be more hazardous than advocates assume.
    Adrift in compartments three-dimensional,
       pelvic push may quickly find
       lovers parted and marooned
       or rebounding off the walls... ricochet free fall.

4:  Zero-g may have industrial advantages
       for pharmaceuticals, ball bearings, and steel.
    But in matters of human sensuality
       friction is essential.
       Future studies may reveal
       that weightless copulation... induces frustration.

    Now I may be wrong, but it seems to me
    That carnal stimulation will be desired.
    So in order to do it in zero-g
    Some new techniques may be required.

5:  Making love in a zero-g environment
       may foster changes in our moral attitudes.
    Nature provides for the planetbound,
       but the state-of-the-art
       in orbit must improve.
       Desperate lovers may engage... space age sex aids.

6:  Together tethers would prevent random wandering.
       Magnetic harnesses incorporating alternating poles
    Would sustain an interaction electrically.
       Rear-thrusters would supply
       perfect docking control.
       Entry speed and rhythm set, easy on the retro-jets.

    Now I may be wrong, but it seems to me
    That we’ll never be sure unless we go and try it.
    So for reasons of promoting space industry
    We should encourage the idea, 
       the gen’ral public will buy it.

7:  Making love in a zero-g environment
       is a problem we must solve to survive.
    With a dash of erotic ingenuity
       and invention of necessity
       science will arrive
       at a feasible solution
       to the twenty-first century... sensual revolution.

 

 
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