It's 2:37 a.m. and I'm not at work Not doin' a thing for school Who I am and what I do in real life cease to matter In this virtual world so cool They call it a "massively multiplayer game" I play it half of each day, as a rule I forget to eat or sleep 'cause my body seems As far away as Ultima Thule I hang out with my clan, the Dark Masters of Zero Or just "DMZ," as it's said When we shout at each other and watch the words Appear in bright flowing text by our heads Then we get into battle and disaster strikes First Alaric's pants fill with lead Then Jerky Johnson sems to teleport right off a cliff Then I'm paralyzed and I'm dead I complain and complain but they say it can't be The servers are handling the capacity I should get better service 'cause this sure ain't free But nobody listens to me When I say I go-ot la-a-ag Kills me every time That sa-a-ag Is just a mortal crime Gonna ba-a-ag This game 'cause I'm Stuck like a panickin' mannequin here With this la-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ag. It¹s 3:27 a.m. before I can get Successfully logged back in The rest of the clan tried to save my stuff Krog's got my helm strapped to his chin Dorinda's a sight in my black and green robes She looks like her own evil twin But someone still pilfered my bag of holding Where my ton of reagents had been As we make our way back to our stronghold I say my plan to learn mage skills is shot Dorinda's doing her best to cheer me up When once again everything goes to pot Landroval freezes and Krog disappears Jerky Johnson phases right into a lich lord's back lot My modem goes molasses and the next thing I know My remaining possessions are not Despite my threats and tantrums they still can't see They swear my account should be super-trouble-free Just which of us is out of touch with reality? They don't believe this is happening to me But I know I go-ot la-a-ag Then it's time to die To my swa-a-ag Gotta say goodbye Gonna ba-a-ag This game 'cause I Drown like a wallowin' swallow in here With this la-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ag. At 4:17 I struggle back online So angry I barely can speak My character's naked as the day he was born He¹s lost all his XPs for the week Landroval's trashed and Dorinda's laid up The lich left Jerky Johnson a semi-undead freak So I ask if it's the distance to the servers That's making me a loserly geek Alaric says he's connecting from Israel Dorinda's in Fiji on business today Jerky Johnson's calling in from the moon colony A quarter-million miles away I try to type in, "I'm way closer than that," But I type in some command by mistake And then some flashing error messages pop up on screen And my entire account gets puréed Must be the fault of my ISP Or maybe it's a problem with the phone company 'Cause it couldn't possibly ever possibly be Just me-e-e-e-e No, no, I go-ot la-a-ag More than I can abide Can't bra-a-ag When I'm completely fried Gonna ba-a-ag This game 'cause I'd [slowing and losing pitch, as if a recording is losing speed] Rather not flounder and founder in here [back to normal] With this la-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ag. [dipping pitch downwards and back up, as if pitchbending] Yeah!