by Ed Chamberlain
I was captain of a pirate ship,
The bloody worst of scum,
But then a man-o'-war came by,
And blew us to Kingdom Come.
I sank beneath the waves so blue,
And thought that I was done,
But the Devil didn't want me,
And I rose to see the sun.
For scum always rises,
Scum always rises,
Scum always rises to the top, to the top.
Oh, scum always rises to the top.
I swam to shore with what was left
Of my ill-gotten gains,
And invested it in penny stocks
On the New York Stock Exchange.
I musta done a few things right,
And I conned somebody dumb,
And I ended up the C-E-O
For West Bahama Rum.
I found a crooked auditor,
Which wasn't hard to find,
And I ran that company aground,
Making sure that I got mine.
By the time the law took interest,
I'd left a stone-cold trail,
I had million-dollar bonuses,
And not a day in jail.
Author's Note: Before the contest started I noticed that there were several people signed up for this song contest - two were signed up ahead of me, and several after. On Sunday afternoon (10/30/2005) when it was time for the contest, only two of us actually showed up to compete. "Lucky Scum" did rise to the top, and won first place. I would like to take this opportunity to assure everybody that there is absolutely no truth whatever to the rumor that I had arranged "accidents" for the several people who were signed up but didn't show up to compete.