Lyin' Billy Bob

Listen and I'll tell you all about a friend of mine
The most amazing person that you'd ever hope to find
And everywhere that he has been, well, things just ain't the same
And Billy Bob Gonzalez Epstein, Jr. is his name.

Billy Bob's grandpappy was a Spaniard, so he says
Who brought to light the secret ancient riches of Cortez
The Aztec millions were the dowry for his bride-to-be:
A Jewish señorita by the name of Zelda Lee.

CHORUS:
Billy Bob Gonzales Epstein Jr., what a liar --
So full of hot air he'd make an Eskimo perspire!
I wonder if his lying days are ever gonna end
But Billy Bob is still my favorite friend.

Billy Bob said he went mining somewhere in the west
He thought explosives to blow up the mountain would be best
When the smoke and dust had cleared, to Billy Bob's surprise
The faces of four presidents stood right before his eyes!

Billy Bob, he took a trip far from the human race
He built a rocket ship to launch him into outer space
He says when the Eagle landed, Armstrong noticed something queer:
A giant waving banner reading, "Billy Bob was here"!

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Now Billy Bob's a journalist--he writes the evening news
And speeches for the politicians to express their views
Someday Billy Bob hopes to fulfill his fondest dream
When he joins the National Enquirer's writing team.

With Billy Bob around, the truth ain't always what you get
Like how he created world peace when he built the Internet!
When his tall tales get him killed, will he burn in hellfire
Or be the instrument of God, playing heaven's liar?

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