Pandora's Inbox

The gods said to Pandora, "Here's a box of messages;
"We can't say what's in 'em or where they came from, kinda like sausages;
"Don't open that box or trouble will come, and that you should not doubt!"
But she went and hid and lifted the lid, and this is what came out:

    "Look at these great travel deals! Ride off to Corinth and escape!"
    "Make talents a year working at home without raising olives or grapes!"
    "If Aesculapius' priests write a prescription that deters ya,
    "Don't pay Athenian prices--you can get cheap drugs from Persia!"
    "Give our academy a fling--see the courses that we offer!
    "No need to study a thing--you too can be a philosopher!"
    "If you like little boys, but to you they will not speak,
    "We can send you dirty pictures on enameled vases for drachmae a week!
    [Spoken:] "(Delivered in a plain brown sack for your privacy.)"

Chorus:
Since that day--oh, the horror!
    [Whispered:] "We want your money!"
Nothing's like it was before!
    [Whispered:] "We want all your money!"
Except for death and taxes, there isn't anything of which you can be sure!
Now everything is strange!
    [Whispered:] "Give us your money!"
It's all been rearranged!
    [Whispered:] "Give us all your money!"
The human condition has been stricken with never-ending change!

Faust refused the Devil a standard deal or two
So the Devil said, "Here's a box that lets the whole world talk to you!
"In return you must be tempted a thousand times and not succumb,
"Or your soul is mine," and Faust did sign, and the shills started to come:

    "Get your name-brand rolled tobacco for just pfennigs a pack!"
    "That powdered wig fools no one--we can restore the hair you lack!"
    "Dedicated sales closers make talers more an hour!"
    "Native Austrian crystals can unlock your native Aryan power!"
    "Get an extended warranty on your carriage or ship's mizzen!"
    "Guaranteed financing even if you're locked in debtor's prison!"
    "Join us in some little games with cards and dice and chips,
    "Or for less risk, spend your inheritance on hot investment tips!"
    [Spoken:] "(Delivered in a plain brown valise for your privacy.)"

[Optional chorus]

The gods are quite capricious--they keep us in our place
Unsuspecting newbies get a shiny disc from space
It says "AOL"--they don't see a hell with oceans full of blood
They put the CD in and let it spin and thus begins the flood:

    "You'll just love this useless gizmo--it doesn't cost too much;
    "These cookie recipes cost even less, but they come from Nieman Marcus!"
    "You should enhance your computer--this legit software is a steal!"
    "Make 2500 every week by doing eBay deals!"
    "How about herbal Viagra, or something we won't risk calling 'pot'?"
    "Make a certain something bigger, or slow the process down, or make the
process hot!"
    "Come and see my slutty girlfriend and her Webcam, I dare ya!
    "Or girls with farm animals, or meet nice singles in your area!"
    [Spoken:] "(Delivered in a plain brown truck for your privacy.)"

[Chorus]

    [Spoken:] "I am the dead exiled son of a dead exiled African dictator. I
need to get lots of money out of my country and you'll give me a cut if you
help me! Or something like that..."


THE END

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