Moira, my daughter, come here and sit down I've heard all about it, you see You plan to marry an Antarean blort And you thought to hide it from me In all of the years since those aliens came This is something none have dared to do Now as your father and the head of this family It falls to me to say this to you: Make sure to invite Aunt Imogene If you don't, you'll come to grief Wear your great-grandmother's wedding dress To bless your wedded life By all means don't drop the ring or the collar Or whatever you'll swap with him Poor Triona O'Neill dropped her ring under heel And you know what happened to them! Have you thought much about the reception -- His people and ours in one place? There'll have to be a buffet and a trough And a designated bone-spitting space Instead of a beautiful wedding cake You'll cut up your father-in-law Now I know you're in love, and you're floatin' on air, But I have to lay down the law: You've got to invite Aunt Kate -- she swore She'd die if we forgot again And don't step on the fire-hall threshold Or your house'll surely burn down I know he don't have no sense of balance But dance the first dance or you're sunk And get your maid of honor to give the toast -- We're gonna try to get the best...thing drunk. And after that comes the honeymoon A voyage of discovery He'll take you places that you haven't been On the shores of Theta Delphini III You are a pure and innocent girl We've worked hard to keep you so But before he takes you in his pedipalps There are a few things that you ought to know: Be sure to invite Aunt Caroline And -- just anywhere -- drop her off Wear a scarf if you romance out of doors Or you're certain to catch a bad cough Don't get amorous after walking tours Or your hatchlings won't have enough legs And if you only remember one thing that I say... Send pictures when you christen the eggs!