The Pegasus Awards

What A Woman's For

Seanan McGuire

Pegasus Award

Award Year Category

Best Mad Science Song


What A Woman's For

Copyright ©2006 by Seanan McGuire
Lyrics posted by permission of the author

Sane men don't go mad all on their own -- oh no no.
They don't just stumble on the road to Hell,
No, sometimes, they've got to be shown.
They need a hand to guide them down the primrose path
That leads to jumper cables and an evil laugh.
There's things that men weren't meant to know
And that's what a woman's for.

Now take the case of Victor Frankenstein -- what a man.
A modern Prometheus, or so they say,
And I knew that he had to be mine.
He started out quite sane and then he went quite mad
At the moment that he heard that monster call him 'Dad'.
There's seeds that men weren't meant to sow
And that's what a woman's for.

I've been a lab assistant
To lots of famous men.
They all start out resistant,
But I know they'll give in.
I know I'll be the winner
When all the cards are down.
I'll make a saint a sinner,
Then I'll get out of town...bye-bye, boys.

Science and stability don't mesh -- oh no no.
They need a Lolita who can make them see
It's better when the corpses are fresh.
Give him a Jacob's Ladder and an evil plan
To help him break the laws that govern God and man.
There's stones that men weren't meant to throw
And that's what a woman's for.

Consider Dr. Herbert West, M.D. -- he meant well.
Obsessed with bringing back the dead, a sort of
Scientific necromancy.
He wasn't all that sane when we started out,
But when the dead arose, they put down all doubt.
There's places men weren't meant to go
And that's what a woman's for.

I'm not that big on waiting
But I can take it slow.
While good is still debating,
I'll bring those sane men low.
It isn't complicated,
Though it's a bit cliched --
Before we're separated,
He'll get lynched, and I'll get rest.

So give me Henry Jekyll and I'll give you Edward Hyde;
The better points of going bad just cannot be denied.
Giant monsters, killer viruses, a death ray built for two,
Give me a man ripe for a breakdown, and I'll end the world for you.
Warren Mears, Seth Brundle, Egon Spengler, Emmet Brown.
Just say it's open season and I'll take your genius down.
There's not a depth that I'd call 'too low' --
That's what a woman's for!

It's not that hard to make them crack -- oh no no.
I find that most of them are halfway there,
They just need a little nudge down the track.
They need a helping hand and a latex glove,
And I'll be there with both when push comes to shove.
There's things that men weren't meant to know
And that's what a woman's for!


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