Kari Maaren IF

Kari Maaren is a wandering English professor who has turned grumpiness into an art form. She writes and performs geeky ukulele music about Batman, genre literature, and various types of monsters, and she has produced two CDs, Beowulf Pulled My Arm Off and Everybody Hates Elves. She has posted more music on her YouTube channel. She has a second channel, The Improvyssey, that is devoted to daily instrumental improvisations. Her first novel, the Nebula- and Sunburst-nominated and Copper Cylinder-winning YA fantasy adventure Weave a Circle Round, was published by Tor in the fall of 2017, and she has had short fiction published in The Orange & Bee and the anthologies Tales From the Silence and Figments and Fragments. She has a completed webcomic, West of Bathurst, and an active one, It Never Rains. She has won Aurora Awards for her music (2013 and 2015) and comics (2015, 2019, 2021, 2022, and 2023).

You can find out more about Kari at her website karimaaren.com!

Representative Work for the 2025 Pegasus Awards

Being Watson (mp3)

Words and Music: ©2013 by Kari Maaren- All Rights Reserved
Lyrics posted with permission of the author

Mrs. Hudson showed another client
Into Flat B;
You knew what he wanted right away.
That didn't stop you
From approaching me
To see if I had anything to say.
I got it wrong, of course.
I always do.
I'm not sure why I even try.
I'm not stupid,
But I'm not you.
We're very different, you and I.

I can't help admiring
Your enormous brain,
Which analyses everything with ease,
Without effort,
Without pain,
And everybody just says, "Mr. Holmes, please."
Most of the time,
I am content
To simply lurk behind.
But every now and then,
I resent
That you never dream I'd mind

Being Watson.
Shunted slightly to the side.
Being backup:
Always bridesmaid, never bride.
I have wondered
In odd moments of ennui
How you would handle being me:
Being Watson.

Later, you became more brilliant
And more precise
Solving scores of puzzling cases that
Left me breathless,
Without advice,
Growing stupid and, for some reason, fat.
The contrast made you
Shine more bright,
While I pranced like a buffoon.
More than ever,
You did everything right;
I was a cartoon.

Being Watson.
You were sky, and I was soil.
Being always
Seen as nothing but a foil.
You got brighter;
I got obviously dim.
Were you happy you weren't him?
You weren't Watson.

And I sometimes think it's all right.
And I sometimes just lean back and let you shine.
But I sometimes wish the glory
Of the story I was telling could be mine.
It's mostly fine.

Now we've ventured
Out into space
In pursuit of crime.
We've changed gender;
We've changed race;
We've travelled through time.
We've met Cthulhu.
We've turned bad.
We've been lovers, though discreet.
We've cured cancer.
We've gone mad
From the shadows over Baker Street.

I'm brighter now,
But still I find
That no matter how far
We go, I'm that same
Step behind.
We've changed, but we're still what we are.
I'd break away,
But I'm constrained
By my own perfect loyalty.
It's a bit
Like being chained.
I just hope someday you'll see

Being Watson
Would be really hard for you.
Being silent
Is what not everyone can do.
You solve cases;
Though I suppose that is a start,
I'm the one who turns them into art.

Being Watson
Isn't always fun, but hey:
Being different
Must be worse. And anyway,
You've existed
So ridiculously long,
And still you could never write this song.
That's why I'm Watson.